Firstly, I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone who reached out - no matter what the platform - regarding my last blog post. Each and every one of your messages left me in tears, to the point where I resembled Bear Grylls post-bee sting after welling up on the tram or by my desk at work. It's comforting to know there are so many caring and empathetic people out there and I am not alone in feeling this sense of loss.
I was incredibly hesitant about posting it as I didn't want to come off as over-dramatic, bitter or even worse, psycho. Luckily, many of you said you found it helpful while in return, you provided me with some much needed words of wisdom and unforgettable advice. For that, I am so very grateful I hit the formidable 'publish' button.
In that post, I linked to the affable, witty and eerily intelligent Leandra Medine and her article '6 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Single,' where she addresses her breakup with Abie Cohen. She is now married to said Cohen, but let's ignore that somewhat unhelpful fact. It was this piece of prose that truly resonated with me -
'Of course, what it took for us to get back together was my deciding to fuck it. Everyone said this would be the case, but the problem with achieving this state of fuck-it is that you have to want it. To really be ready to surrender. To feel as if you can’t keep on the way you’ve been running. You’ve got to will yourself to shut the door with all your guts and reproductive parts and march forth. So I did that. And it was awesome. I felt more like myself than I had in three years. I basically salsa danced my way through the summer of 2010.'
So here I am. I have FINALLY decided to Fuck It, because I too, cannot keep on going down this treacherous path. I will not let a single person affect my happiness and how I want to live my life. Better yet, I have too much self respect and know I deserve so much better than someone who is cosi-cosi about me and what I have to offer.
I am now seeking the best version of myself and I will find happiness in my passions and no one else's. I am going to embrace the independent life I cultivated for myself long before this breakup and explore whatever new and exciting opportunities come my way. Men will come and go, but the relationship you have with yourself is 4EVA. Honestly, who have I become?! I make myself sick.
Since I'm writing this down, I guess it's going to make me liable for my actions. No more tears, no more ruining potentially awesome nights out with friends and certainly no more wasting valuable time wondering what could have been. There is no point crying over someone that wouldn't cry over you, so it's now time to soldier on. There is something to be said for 'faking it 'til you make it' and that's exactly what I am going to do. I will make it.
Whether you're dealing with a break up or work bullshit or a bitchy friend that is simply sucking the life out you, there inevitably becomes a point where you just have to Fuck It and veer in an alternate, healthier direction. This is where I am heading and I'm feeling pretty positive about the future.
Get ready for plenty more blog content, insane Insta stories and Wilde nights out!
Leandra Medine runs the incredible fashion blog Man Repeller - great title hey?